The term "Be yourself" wasn't meant for you..

 Remember when your mother told you that you could be anything you wanted when you grow up? And you rejoiced by running around her bar stool with dried fanta caked on your face and a half eaten mars bar stuffed in your clammy paw. Believing that one day you could achieve more than your pickled liver of a father ever managed. And then do you remember when she told you that a jolly old fat fucker,with a name suspiciously similar to satan, would climb down your chimney on the birthday anniversary of some little kid with a god complex 2000 years ago, delivering gifts to all the little shits on your block? Are you seeing a pattern here?

She lied. Yup, and she was probably blowing the mail man when she did it,but claiming she was removing poison from a venomous snake bite. Needless to say, daddy probably found out. After all,black eyes,like genital warts, don't appear by themselves.

I'm SideFX. I'm a believer in saying what needs to be said and intending on doing what needs to be done. The physical effort involved in the latter will determine the rate at which the task will see completion. I'll short list my literary heroes now, this will save us beating off in eachothers faces about who I'm ripping off or trying to be like.

Heroes:

Me

Having a vague similarity to someone born with downes syndrome has given me a distinct advantage over my peers. It allows me to be verbally retarded without the obligation to apologize for my actions afterwards. It also allows me to use handicapped seats on public transport by inducing some rather noticeable saliva and general frothing at the mouth. Gripping my semi erect member through my St Mary's Mental Institution hospital robe also completes the look but public order offenses can pile up with this little trick.

One of my favorite pieces of movie dialogue is from Double Parked 3, where the lead actress screams, "That's my fucking ass" when our hero accidentally directs his cum truncheon up the dump duct of his female co-star. A classic moment immortalized on film. Coming a close second is Brad Pitts tidbit on life in Fight Club.

Quote taken from www.imdb.com:

 "You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world. "

I find it sums up a lot of the issues I have with the shit stabbers of our generation. Those making up the common majority of credit card wielding,latte sipping,tax paying anal fisters who believe that they are what Tyler Durden says we are not. I believe this film raises the issues we all have about the world we live in. But instead of throwing a cum wad in the face of 'the man' we instead take said wad, and lay it on a bed of some naked chefs choice salad.We endure every last bite until it's malignant seminal fluid finds it's way into our brains and informs us that having a celery and carrot smoothie every other wednesday will clean our systems of the toxins we apply in our 'living for the weekend' lifestyle.

If you sense negativity in this blog then congratulations, you are still self-aware and your soul can be saved for a small fee. I accept paypal and recently circumcised pieces of female genitals as valid forms of payment. All other forms of payment will first be considered then consumed to ensure they meet at least 1 of my required 5 a day.

I need to take a shit now as I have a high fiber diet and my colon needs to breath at least 3 times a day.