Strike a fucking match..

And burn away the last few days. If I have to listen to one more woman list all the reasons why I'm a fucking asshole, I'll turn myself into the law for all those fires just to get away.


I woke up this morning with the usual erection. After a short debate on what to do with my tent pole, I felt the need for an urgent urine deposit. So I plodded barefoot to the dive of a bathroom I share with my house mates. It was a good concentrated yellow fountain. The kind that you know your bladder really went overtime on to ferment to perfection.

Anyway, you can tell that this was a normal day to begin with. Was I wasn't expecting was the sheer tidal wave of bullshit I'd have to listen to from pretty much every girl I've glanced at in the last 3 weeks. To make matters worse the local law enforcement decided it would be a good idea to stop me and my brothers on the street to ask us a few questions. "What the fuck?" I hear you say. Fear not my brothers and sisters, for I to uttered this very words.

Oh, look at this,it's a fucking law:

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Rules relating to certain breeds of dog

The Control of Dogs Regulations 1998 (S.I. No. 442 of 1998) impose additional rules in relation to the following breeds (and strains/cross-breeds) of dog in Ireland:

American Pit Bull Terrier
English Bull Terrier
Staffordshire Bull Terrier
Bull Mastiff
Dobermann Pinscher
German Shepherd (Alsatian)
Rhodesian Ridgeback
Rottweiler
Japanese Akita
Japanese Tosa
Bandog
The rules state that:

These dogs (or strains and crosses of them) must be kept on a short strong lead by a person over 16 years who is capable of controlling them
These dogs (or strains and crosses of them) must be muzzled whenever they are in a public place
These dogs (or strains and crosses of them) must wear a collar bearing the name and address of their owner at all times.

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So our friendly neighborhood pigs decide to give us shit about having a Dog De Bourbeax out without a muzzle on. The cock chuggers didn't even know what breed the mutt was so how can they justify the pedestrian checkpoint without even knowing the law?? I swear I wanted to slap that bacon strip right there, but the prospect of some guy called "pink pocket" being my cell mate and future rapist doesn't bode well.

I'm not even arsed with any creative writing, I'm just pissed off and off my head on green tea!